


Of Trust and Love

by YuMe89



Series: Unhappy Endings [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blackmail, Cheating, Dark, Dead Sheriff Stilinski, Divorce, Drugged Sex, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, F/M, Human Hale Family, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Abuse, Revenge Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 18:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30093159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuMe89/pseuds/YuMe89
Summary: As last time, mind the tags!Dunno if this will be the last in this Series, but it's definitely the longest.Got too inspired by Taylor Swift's song Hoax.Hope you got enough tissues at the ready :D
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Jennifer Blake/Derek Hale, Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Unhappy Endings [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211783
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Of Trust and Love

**Author's Note:**

> As last time, mind the tags! 
> 
> Dunno if this will be the last in this Series, but it's definitely the longest.   
> Got too inspired by Taylor Swift's song Hoax. 
> 
> Hope you got enough tissues at the ready :D

# Of Trust and Love

  
Warm rays of the sun were kissing his skin, as he slowly drifted into consciousness. He wasn't supposed to be at the Station for another two hours, if the clock was anything to go by. He heard the telltale shuffle of Derek coming home from his morning run and smiled.  


Today was the first day in almost two weeks, that they had some time for each other and Stiles itched to get his hands on his husband. His beautiful, Greek God of a husband. Who was walking into their bedroom, still sweaty, beckoning Stiles to come closer.  


At least Stiles had the feeling he was, as he took off his soaked-through shirt.

As if in trance, Stiles moved out of bed and walked over to Derek. "Hey, you." he said, slow smile on his lips. As he tried to kiss Derek on the mouth, who turned his face away.  


"Not now, I need a shower first." Derek grumbled.

"Since when does that stop me? Or you? We had lots of sweaty sex weekends without showers involved. Don't you remember?" Stiles countered, sinking to his knees as he slid Derek's track shorts off.  


Normally Derek would be at least a little interested in the outcome, but his cock was as soft as it could possibly be. "Don't you have to go to work?" Derek asked and it was a strange question, at least to Stiles.  


"I got some time, come on, don't you want to?" Stiles asked, leaning in to take Derek into his mouth. He breathed in involuntarily and caught the all too familiar scent of condoms. _There's no way..._  


Stiles had stopped immediately, frozen as he felt his heart sink, coming to the only conclusion that made sense. "Actually, I just want to shower." Derek replied, sounding annoyed.  


"Who?" was all Stiles could ask, still kneeling in front of Derek as he looked up to his husband, heartbroken. It didn't take long for him to take onto what Stiles was getting at.  


Derek sighed, took a step back and undressed completely. "You don't know her." he remarked offhandedly.

A direct punch in the gut would've been kinder. "Who." he brought out, it wasn't even a question, more like a demand.

"Jennifer." There wasn't a Jennifer he knew, so at least that wasn't a lie.

"How long?" Stiles wanted to know, hands twisted in the fabric of his pajamas. He didn't want to think about how much he yearned to punch Derek in his stupidly handsome face. He wasn't that type of person, but God did he want to be right now...  


"Does it matter?" Derek countered

"Humor me."

"Two years."

And there was the second verbal punch, or was it more fitting to be a fist squeezing his heart? Maybe a combo of both, Stiles really didn't care, he felt like throwing up. Two years...  


"We've been together for sixteen years Derek..." Stiles said accusingly, resolutely refusing to cry. He had been his first- his only. Clearly the same didn't go for Derek. They had met in High School, less than a year apart from another. "Have there been others?" he asked, watching as Derek walked to their bathroom. _Their bathroom._ In _their_ house. And stopped in his tracks to turn halfway to Stiles.  


"Do you really want to talk about it now?" the way Derek said it, so emotionless, left Stiles aching. They never had been like this to each other. Sure they fought or had disagreements, but Derek being this cold towards him? That was new.  


"Yes." Stiles answered, swallowing to prevent his voice from breaking. "Tell me. How often do you see her? How many have there been? Is she the reason you didn't want to adopt?" it was his masochistic streak that made him ask, nothing else. Maybe he needed to drive the knife in deeper on his own terms.  


Stiles didn't know where he got the strength from, but he got up and stood in front of Derek to look him in the eye. It was humiliating enough to find out the love of your life is cheating on you, he didn't want to talk about it on his knees. He knew there was no reason for it, but he felt dirty, knowing how normal the last two years had been.  


"First year only once a month, now it's once a week. There's only been her, but it doesn't matter what I say, does it? I could tell you I've seen her everyday and had multiple affairs with other men or women. The end result is the same. I cheated and I don't intent to stop. And you're not going to leave me, we both know it." Derek told him, as he fixed Stiles with a look. "Also, we both know it wasn't up to me that we weren't approved to adopt."  


"Don't give me that. I know you withdrew. They told me, Derek." Stiles said through gritted teeth. Why was he still lying? There was literally no point! "We both wanted a family! We've discussed it for years and all of a sudden you didn't want to anymore? She's the reason why, isn't she? Does she want to give you a child? Is that your whole issue with adopting? Because it's not your own genes?"  


And suddenly he found himself pressed against the wall, with Derek's hand on his chest, holding him in place. It wasn't like he was helpless, Stiles was just as broad as Derek and he could hold himself in a fight. But this was new too, the aggression. Derek usually went to the gym to vent when he was angry or ran in the Preserve on mornings before work. "What? Do you want to hit me? You realize I'm the Sheriff right?" Stiles asked, a expression of pure fury painting his face as he gripped Derek's wrist and shoved him away. "Don't you dare touch me again." he growled.  


If Stiles didn't know better, he saw a flicker of hurt in Derek's eyes.

"I changed my mind about having children. I thought that would be allowed. Knowing how you would react if I told you...I just didn't want to go through the drama." Derek said, creating distance between them and fuck, if he hadn't done so the last two weeks in some way or another. "Now, I'm going to take a shower, go to work and we will talk later. I advise you to do the same." with that he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, he even locked it and Stiles thought he was about to loose all air in the room.  


He didn't know if he should be thankful his dad never got to know this side of Derek or not. He had been so happy for Stiles finding someone he loved and was loved by in return. Up until he got shot in line of duty.  


Now, all the family Stiles had left were his friends and even those were scattered around the country. Derek still had his huge family, although all the way up in San Francisco.

°

Derek had left for work without giving Stiles his usual kiss and 'I love you'. Stiles was sure it had been for the better, since he just felt too numb to actually react. He wanted to scream, to break something, anything. He didn't want to cry.  


There was no way he could stay here. He started packing the essentials, things he didn't want to leave behind and dialed Lydia's number. There was a chance she wouldn't answer at this hour, too occupied with work.  


" _Stiles?_ " she sounded mildly irritated by his call.

Instead of an answer, he let out a sob, giving in to the hurt he felt. "Lydia..." was all he brought out.

" _What happened? What did he do?_ " she asked, causing Stiles to close his eyes, as he sank down the floor, leaning against the wall behind him. The bags in front of him still open, waiting. How much of his life could he cram into those bags? He has a house! There ought to be more than fit's inside the two travel bags he got.  


"Can you just make me disappear?" he asked while surreptitiously drying his tears. They just kept on coming.

" _In what way? Are we talking about a safe house? Do you want to be declared dead or just missing?_ " Lydia wanted to know, already talking business. It was something she did on the side, finding safe places for people who needed them. All completely legal, but untraceable, thanks to Danny.  


"I don't know, I just need to be somewhere that's not here. Somewhere Derek won't find me." he told her and heard her breathe in and out for a few times, apparently calming herself down.  


" _What did he do?_ " Lydia asked, something dangerous in her voice.

"Not what you think. Can we talk about this some other time? I want to be gone before he comes back from work. I can't-" he stopped, gathering himself as to not sob again. "I can't bear to see him and I don't want to talk to him later...or ever..."  


" _I'll prepare everything. You will come here and we will talk in person. I got a nice cottage not far away from my house, you can have it. He won't find me. He doesn't even know where I live._ " she told him. " _I will contact you again in two hours. Be ready by then. I don't like to wait._ " with that she ended the call and Stiles stared at the wall unseeing, twisting his wedding ring around and around.  


He thought it would be forever, until they were grey and wrinkly and old. He should've known. Nothing lasts forever. And people like Derek won't let themselves be tied down by people like Stiles. Their relationship was just a pretty illusion. And Stiles had been the only one fooled.  


He took his ring off and got into the shower.

°

Stiles was late to work, but since it would be the last time he walked into the Station, he couldn't care less. Exiting his car, his hand found the warm metal in his pocket and for a moment he thought about leaving the ring off.  


He put his wedding band back on and walked into the Station. Better not tip anyone off.

His staff greeted him like every other day and he mustered a smile. Not a single person asked him why he was late or why he wasn't wearing his uniform. He took in his office, a room where his dad had been in for a long time before him. The stupid singing fish his mom had given to his dad as a joke still hung at the wall.  


Stiles let his fingertips glide over the wooden desk, as he rounded it and sat down.

He would quit properly, write it up and then leave again. He didn't need them to worry and look for him. They had enough work on their hands without his upcoming disappearance.  


His office door opened not much later and a smiling Parrish walked in. "There are Donuts." he told Stiles, waggling his brows, knowing Stiles liked to fulfill this stereotype with pleasure. He must've sensed something was wrong, as Stiles barely managed to smile back and closed the door behind him. "What's wrong?"  


"I'm going to leave and not come back. I don't want anyone from the department to search for me. I formally resigned on my position as Sheriff and recommended you to fill in temporary for me." Stiles said, not looking at Jordan all the while. Sure, he was Jordan's boss, but he had known Stiles when his dad was still the Sheriff and he had welcomed him with open arms. They were somewhat friends. He deserved honesty.  


"Stiles...what are you talking about?" Parrish was frowning, not grasping why Stiles was saying any of this.

"If anyone comes here and declares me missing, you tell them I'm a legal adult, that can go where ever I want to. I quit my job properly and recommended someone, in this case you, to pick up where I left off. I won't come back and there is no one who has a right to know of my whereabouts." Stiles told him. "I don't have much time before I leave, so I guess this has to do. I will miss you, all of you. This Station was a second home to me, growing up. But I have to go." he stood up, taking the photograph of him and Derek on the desk and pulled it out of the frame, threw it in the trash for good measure.  


"Is Derek going with you? Did something happen?" Parrish asked and Stiles shook his head.

"Derek won't be coming with me. He betrayed me and I can't live with that. Can't live with him any longer," he voiced for the first time. He took his gun and badge out of his jacket and laid it on top of the desk. "Can you sign and confirm that I gave this back? I already filled out the document, you just need to check and sign."  


"...Sure." Jordan replied and went over to the desk. In fact checking if everything was filled out right and signed. "You need a copy?"

"No...I trust you."

And wasn't that ironic? This whole morning was about trust and he knew he couldn't trust Derek anymore, the man he loved since day one of knowing him, though he was sure he could trust Parrish with his life and reputation.  


°

Lydia was going to send him a car to pick him up and drive him to the next airport. Stiles had packed the family photos and small possessions of his mom and dad he had kept. Other than that, he was going to leave the rest behind. So he stood behind the front door and waited for the car. His key ring in the bowl on the dresser, he would only pull the door close behind himself.  


He couldn't make his mind up, if he should put the ring on the nightstand or even here, at the top of their small dresser next to the door.

Stiles heard the engine of a car outside and looked through the peephole to confirm the blue Honda Civic Lydia had mentioned.

In the end, he still wore the ring, when he walked out the door and settled into the Honda. Why did this have to be so hard?

°

She hadn't liked what Stiles had told her and voiced it in a stiff tone. "You just should've stayed in love with me. I never would've broken your heart like that." Lydia told him, hours after he arrived at hers.  


"We both know we wouldn't have worked out in the long run." Stiles replied, taking a sip of the whiskey she had handed him.

"Like you and Derek didn't?" Lydia countered, twirling the wineglass in her hand. "At least I would never betray you. I might not be _in love_ with you, but I love you too much to hurt you like this."  


Stiles sighed and drank the whole glass in one go to get a refill. "Whatever. Doesn't matter anymore. I just...don't understand how he could be so cold all of a sudden. The way he talked to me- looked at me? He never was like this, not with me." he told her with a frown.  


"People change, some for the better and other, well, not. Didn't he always have anger issues?" she asked, handing him the bottle.

"Yeah, but...that's different. They're rooted in self-hate and low self-esteem. You know what I told you years ago? Why Derek had been in therapy for a while?" Stiles asked, rubbing his right hand over his face.  


"I remember." Lydia replied. "Some kindergarten teacher touched him back when he was just a child. You told me he had overcome this trauma. Did you lie to me?"  


"No! I didn't lie, but you can't just...forget something like that. It will haunt him forever, even though he won't think about it every day. I just think a lot is rooted there. It all started with Kate Argent." Stiles exhaled loudly. "He was always so possessive of me, but in a subtle way."  


"Yeah, I don't remember him as possessive. He was the same brand of asshole as you, though. That's why you had hit it off so well." Lydia stood up from her place in her armchair and sat down next to Stiles in the loveseat. "I also remember him as pimpled, braces and glasses wearing geek with too big ears. I never knew what you saw in him until puberty hit him like a fast train."  


"I was so afraid he would leave me at that time and a lot of times later. Like he would wake up some day and not want me anymore, but he was so sweet to me." Stiles gazed into nothingness, deeply in thought, then he gathered himself. "What I wanted to say, he was jealous a lot when people were nice to me and he would get angry, but not at me or them, just at himself. Before he had his glow up and we were together for, like, five months, I found out that he actually hurt himself. He never directed his anger towards other people, he thought he deserved the pain. And that's why I think it's all rooted in the abuse when he was a child."  


"How did he hurt himself? I never saw anything..." Lydia wanted to know.

Stiles heaved a sigh. "Well...like I said, we had been dating for five months and we were in my room. We've never done anything more than kissing or frottage, you know. We were kind of clueless and extremely innocent when I look back at it. Anyway, the day before some girl had asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her, clearly not getting that my boyfriend was standing right next to me. She was pretty, I have to admit." he paused. "I turned her down and thought that was all to the story, but Derek, he..." Stiles trailed off, the sadness taking over. "Okay, so, we were in my room and he wanted to close the blinds, so we could watch a movie, the sun was just setting and blinded us pretty much. On his way back he walked right into my desk and his reaction was strange. It looked way more painful than it should've been."  


"That's all?" Lydia asked with a frown, but Stiles shook his head.

"He sat next to me and we started watching, after a while I realized he was rubbing the area where he connected with my desk. He was wearing light blue jeans so it was really obvious in the light of my laptop screen that there was a dark spot forming in the fabric." he continued and heard Lydia's breath hitch in realization. "He was bleeding, apparently he had cut himself there and the barely scuffed area broke and bled through his jeans."  


"Stiles..."

"I turned the light on and made him show me. We used my first aid kit, but it hurt looking at what he had done to himself." Stiles said swallowing hard. "The scars aren't visible anymore, thanks to his thick and dark hair everywhere. But back then? I could see how often he had done it before. We talked about it- he only very reluctantly. Which is understandable. But I made him promise me to find another way to deal with his emotions. He chose sports."  


"Okay...but...that doesn't excuse what he did to you." she said.

"I know. He is just so very broken and never wants anyone to find out, it took me years to make him go to therapy and work on his trauma and issues. Which is why I don't understand his behavior at all. Lydia, there was a hot second I thought he would hit me, I never had to worry about that. Never. Derek had always been much more likely to hit the ever living crap out of some sandbag at the gym or push himself to run so far he'd puke."  


"You told me it wasn't like that!" Lydia accused him and Stiles rolled his eyes.

"It wasn't, I swear it wasn't. He was probably as surprised by it as I was. And you know me, I dared him to hit the fucking Sheriff. He might be hot headed, but he's not stupid." Stiles responded, downing the second glass and then decided to just drink directly out of the bottle. Being civilized could kiss his ass today.  


Lydia's eyes told him how much she approved of his move as she fixed him with a piercing gaze.

"Don't look at me like that." he grumbled, taking a huge gulp from the bottle. "'s not like this will survive the night anyway."

"We're day drinking." she quipped, tipping her glass to the big clock at the wall.

"So? Let me drown my sorrows." Stiles sank deeper in the cushions, unwilling to reason.

"Just this once." Lydia told him, but he knew, they'd do it for the next few weeks anyway. At least on the weekends, when she's free.

Stiles on the other hand...he was considering to become an alcoholic for the time being. Maybe then he could forget how it felt to love someone who clearly didn't love him in return, not anymore.  


°

It was a month later, Lydia was at the cottage she had given him as a refuge. Stiles was crying his eyes out, because he couldn't sleep alone and was going insane with hurt and the fact he missed Derek so much. "Why can't my heart just stop hurting? I can't take it, I wish it would just stop beating at once."  


"Stiles, stop saying things like that. It scares me." Lydia told him, taking his hand in hers. "You will overcome this, you can be happy again."

They weren't even tipsy yet, both holding onto their first drink like a lifeline.

"You think it's easy for me to see you like this? I wish you would allow me to contact him, I just want to rip him to pieces for doing this to you." Lydia said when she leaned against Stiles next to her.  


"Lydia?" he asked suddenly, as they had been both quiet for a while. He was still sniffling a little, but his tears had stopped coming. "Do you still want to sleep with me?"  


She inched away from him to look at his face properly. "What?" She looked surprised.

"Back in College, we were pretty smashed that evening, you admitted you fantasized about me fucking you." Stiles said, turning towards her and catching her gaze. "So, do you? Still want to?"  


"You're still married." she replied, licking her lips as she thought about it. Stiles shrugged elaborately.

"Why should I give a fuck about that, when my own husband clearly doesn't?" it wasn't a real question and she didn't even contemplate answering. "You don't have to, it was just a questi-" Lydia interrupted him with a kiss.  


"Yes. Now shut up and kiss me back." she told him, when he didn't reciprocate immediately.

They had put their drinks on the table and Lydia was sitting in Stiles lap, hands in his hair, while his were grabbing her ass, pulling her harder against himself. "Bed....we should...do this on a bed." he told her between kisses and they moved towards the back of the cottage and inside the bedroom, still making out the whole way there.  


Lydia was pretty sure Stiles didn't want to stop because he was afraid he would not continue if they did.

Once they were naked and ready to take it further, Lydia said "We don't need a condom, I'm clean and I know you're too."

"I think I don't want to know how you got a hold of my health records."

"You don't." she responded, going down on him.

"But you're on the pill, right?" he asked, suddenly remembering this little part. Being in a committed relationship with another man for so long did make him forget about those little details.  


Lydia hummed around his cock and he took it as confirmation, closing his eyes and ignoring the way it made him feel like he cheated. To his heart, it felt wrong.  


At least his body was on the same page as them.

This was the first time he was sleeping with a woman, so he returned the favor and ate Lydia out enthusiastically. The way she moaned and gasped his name indicated that he did it right. His oral fixation seemed to be a good thing when it came to sex, for both men and women.  


It went well, until he was mouthing at the soft skin of her neck and pounded into her the way she begged him to. He was climaxing and coming in Lydia, eyes wet when the reality of it all came crashing down on him. "Sorry." Stiles whispered brokenly. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." he wasn't sure who he was apologizing to.  


"It's okay, Stiles, hey, look at me." Lydia said and he complied. "You needed this, I wanted it too. This won't change anything between us."

"I don't understand how Derek could betray me every week with her. I feel like the worst person ever for touching you this way. How could he do this to me so easily?" he asked her and Lydia pulled him back against her, shushing him. Stiles got the feeling she was expecting this to happen.  


He slid out of her and lay next to Lydia. They were silently lying in the bed, cuddling and just enjoying the body heat of one another.

"I have to divorce him eventually." Stiles said in a low voice. He sounded detached, even to his own ears.

"Yes." Lydia said, combing his hair with her fingers in a caressing manner.

Stiles suddenly opened his eyes as wide as possible. "He can never know about us."

"Why not? I mean, I won't go around and tell everyone, but why can't he know?" she wanted to know, giving him the side eye.

Stiles sighed. "I told you. Derek...he might resort to self-harm again. Even if he doesn't...love me anymore, he probably sees me as his. I don't want him to do something stupid."  


"I want him to." Lydia countered, an irritated frown on her face. "He can go to hell."

Stiles didn't know what to say anymore, he knew Lydia never really liked Derek to begin with, but he couldn't just stop worrying about him because Derek hurt him.

Why do feelings have to be so complicated?

°

Another month passed and Stiles was dancing in one of the clubs a little outside the town he was hiding at. He was sandwiched between a beautiful woman and a hot guy, probably a couple, he mused.  


A three-way might not be the best idea, but they did seem interested in him- he leaned into the man and was about to ask, when a strong and relentless hand pulled him out of their dancing arrangements.  


Stiles was about to ask what the fuck they were thinking, when he saw who had pulled him away from the dance floor. He ripped his arm away from Derek and stopped walking. He was so very angry right now, but his furious expression met Derek's similar one.  


"I told you to never touch me again." he yelled over the music. "Now get lost." he growled. God, he was so mad at him.

"Stiles, I need to talk to you." Derek said with an urgency in his voice that spoke volumes.

Right now, it was in a language Stiles didn't want to know. "Fuck off. There's nothing to talk about."

He saw Derek sigh, rather than hear it. "Please, I need to tell you the truth."

"You lied to me, you cheated on me, Derek, for two years! What else is there to say?" Stiles replied, spitting every word out like a bad taste.

"Let me explain. Please." Derek begged.

He had never been able to resist his puppy dog eyes when he begged. And Derek knew that. Stiles gave in and followed him out. They went into a 24h diner nearby without saying another word.  


Derek was still wearing his wedding band, Stiles hadn't for a while now.

As they sat opposite of each other, Stiles waited for Derek's excuse, but he seemed to struggle where to begin. They both ordered coffee when the waitress came over.

"I was...blackmailed." Derek finally said, gulping down the coffee and wincing at the heat. "You remember, I got promoted two years ago, right?"

"...yeah. So?" Stiles tried to stay passive. He didn't want to believe him, but he was also curious. He wasn't looking at Derek though, he stared out the big window next to them.

"You had the night shift and told me it would be okay if I celebrated with my colleagues. And for the most part it was okay." Derek told him, closing his eyes. Stiles could see his reflection. He looked defeated and hurt. Much like Stiles. "She must've slipped me something, because I don't remember anything about the rest of the night. I just remember waking up in her apartment."  


"So you fucked her while drunk." Stiles stated, finally turning towards Derek and fixing him with a cold gaze. "That doesn't mean she slipped you something."

"Stiles, she raped me." Derek replied, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "She showed me the video and told me to not tell anyone, just continue to sleep with her or she would tell you we had an affair." He took out his phone and tapped on it for a while, then he slid it over to Stiles. "It's in high resolution, but she filmed it without audio. Probably because she expected me to protest."  


And he did protest, even though he seemed to slur the words, Stiles knew how certain words looked while formed by Derek's lips. He caught "No" and "Stop" a few times as he watched it. His stomach dropped and he felt like he needed to vomit.  


"I think she sensed when I wanted to tell you and...then her conditions changed, or maybe it was her plan all along, I don't know." Derek went on. "She threatened to destroy your reputation as Sheriff and as an upstanding citizen. I don't know how she knew, but she told me she would download child pornography to every electronic device you own and that she would manipulate the kid we would take in into telling everyone you touched it inappropriately. I couldn't- There was no way I would let her do this."  


"So you decided to sleep with her, to protect me, instead of talking to me?" Stiles asked, looking at the video again, that was in a loop. "What was her name again?" he asked when he caught sight of her face.  


"Jennifer Blake, but that's not her real name." Derek answered.

"Thought so. She looks like Julia Baccari. A rape victim from a few years prior...Jesus, how could she do this to you? I don't...I can't wrap my head around this." Stiles said, hiding his face behind his hands.  


"Yeah...After a while it became clear that hurting you was her end goal." Derek told him.

"Why? I didn't do anything to her, I never stopped investigating her case. In what world would this be okay?" Stiles responded, hands now in his hair. His head was reeling.  


"You didn't? She told me you fucked up the evidence so the case was a goner."

"Greenberg cross contaminated the evidence, as far as I know and I fired him for it. There were too many of those incidents, even though he insisted it wasn't his fault. Problem was, the only other person there was Kali and she was always doing an outstanding job. Anyway, the evidence was fucked, Julia had been drugged by Ennis and so her statement didn't mean shit. I know Ennis did this a lot, but there was always something that got him out in the end. I felt bad for Julia and every other woman he had touched. He had beaten her to a bloody pulp back then. The last one almost died, but again, not enough evidence or it was just lost. At least that's what the neighboring county had told me." Stiles took a sip from his coffee, suddenly feeling exhausted.  


"Wait, did you say Kali?" Derek asked, perking up at that.

"Yeah, Kali Matthews, she had been in forensics for years." Stiles answered. "Why?"

"Kali is Ennis Manners girlfriend. Or was." his still-husband replied. "They had a secret relationship. Violent too, if the neighbors are to trust.

"How do you know this?" Stiles asked bewildered.

"Well, Julia realized you were gone and changed her plan. She found out about Kali and decided to kill them both for what they did to her. She succeeded and is in custody, probably in jail for murder now. I don't know." Derek shrugged. "I spoke to Deputy Parrish about what she did to me and what she wanted to do to you. There's a chance I have to go to court, but since they pinned her with murder, I don't think they will convict her for raping and blackmailing me. If she got life, what more is there to get?"  


"Oh Derek...I'm-...I'm sorry she did this to you." Stiles looked down, both hands flat on the table. "I just wish you would've come to me sooner. We could've figured it out together."  


"I know...now. I was embarrassed when you found out. Ashamed of what I let her do to me." he heard Derek say. "I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you that day. I- I cried in the shower like a complete loser instead of coming clean immediately. But I was so afraid you wouldn't believe me and then she would find out and hurt you, I had to make you back off and...It was just too much to deal with. She demanded to see me more on that day. I think everything was just too much."  


"You broke me." Stiles told him, after being silent for a while. "I'm sorry to tell you that, but you broke me. I don't know if I can ever trust you again. Even considering the circumstances, the damage is done. You should go back to therapy, definitely after what Julia did to you."  


"You won't come back with me?" Derek asked with wide disbelieving eyes. "Stiles, I don't function without you. Please give me another chance?"

"I can't. And I want a divorce." Stiles said resolutely. "We can't just go on like nothing happened. Our whole relationship was always so codependent, that's not healthy and you clearly need help. I can't be your crutch. Not anymore."  


"What are you talking about?" Derek asked in a small voice. He really didn't seem to understand the problem Stiles has.

He let out a humorless laugh. "Derek, I can't stand the thought of you touching me again. How is this supposed to work? You lied to me, you didn't trust me to help you. No matter the circumstances, you cheated on me for two years. The way you talked to me destroyed me even more than the fact that you slept with someone else. We're both broken and need time to heal. We can't do that together. Maybe you should live with your parents for a while. We both know what you do, when you're alone. I don't want you to hurt yourself."  


"...You don't love me anymore." Derek concluded, blinking back tears and Stiles shook his head.

"No, the problem is, I still do and don't know why." he told him. "Because I know I don't trust you. How can I love you but not trust you? Don't those go hand in hand? I feel like you ripped me apart and I can't find the pieces to put me back together."  


"I'm sorry."

"Yeah,...I know."

They sat in silence, the waitress came over to refill their cups and they thanked her with a nod, unable to speak.

Stiles closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I want you to know, that I don't blame you for being raped by Julia. I don't blame you for being blackmailed by her. It's not your fault. I'm not angry about that. The only mistake you made was not seeking help when you clearly needed it. So, please take care of yourself from now on." he swallowed hard, keeping the tears in. He wasn't that great when it came to goodbyes. And this one was not easy. "I want you to be happy and healthy, even though we're not together. Maybe we'll see each other again one day and...try again. Or we'll find someone new and can be happy for one another." the last sentence left a bitter taste in his mouth.  


He stood up and left a few dollars for the coffee, before getting out of the diner without a second glance at Derek. He wouldn't be able to leave if he looked back at him, he was sure.  


Stiles hadn't planned to drink, so the car Lydia let him use was in the parking lot of the club. He heard a familiar pace catching up with him on the gravel when he was about to reach his car. The whole lot looked abandoned except for he cars and them.  


"Stiles!" he heard Derek call for him, but he didn't look around. He had to move forward, there was no other way. "Stiles, please." he begged again. "Please don't leave me." Derek sounded like he was crying, like he couldn't stop himself from doing so and Stiles was right there with him in that regard.  


He knew he shouldn't, but when he heard a thud, he turned around and saw Derek on his knees, face in his hands as he quietly continued to cry. It almost made Stiles legs give out. He hadn't seen Derek cry like this since he had told Stiles about Kate a couple of years ago.  


"I can't- I can't live without you. I barely survived the past two month, if it hadn't been for Laura." Derek admitted. "Please don't make me live without you, because I can't." he sobbed and looked up at Stiles with pleading eyes.  


"You think I can live without you? I was drunk the majority of the time. I don't even remember the last time I ate properly," Stiles said through his own tears. "There's this huge hole you carved into my chest and I can't fill it with anything, it just hurts, _all the time_. I wish we could just forget each other and move on."

"I don't want to forget anything about you," Derek countered heartfelt. "And I don't want you to forget me either. I know I'm at fault for this, but please don't give up on us."

The way Derek was looking up to him, his facial expression a mixture of hurt and hope, caused Stiles to walk over to him and sink to the ground to be on eye level. He took Derek's face in his hands and wiped the tears away in a fruitless effort, then he touched his forehead to Derek's.  


"She ruined everything. She tainted something pure." Stiles said and he felt Derek shake his head.

"It's still pure. We're both still in love with each other." Derek reasoned. Stiles distanced himself from Derek again and they shared a meaningful look. "Do you want to know when I fell in love with you?"  


"Everyone knows, you told that story on our Wedding Day, don't you remember? We met the first time on Erica's birthday party and fell in love." Stiles replied with a raised eyebrow. They both dried their faces. Stiles was a little miffed how pretty Derek cried and that it never seemed to leave any traces, wherein he had probably swollen and red eyes.  


"They know only the story I wanted them to know. I kept the real one to myself." Derek answered. "I saw you at the grocery store a few weeks before the party." he admitted. "You were with your dad and argued the whole time how he had to watch after his health and you started putting stuff back he had just sneaked into the cart. It was so adorable how you nagged him, I couldn't stop looking at you and then...your dad said something so stupid, it made you laugh whole heartedly. I wanted to make you laugh like that too. I wanted you to nag at me for the rest of my life." he confessed. "Honestly, I almost didn't go to Erica's birthday party. I was about to turn around and leave again and then I saw you with Scott, walking up the street where your dad had dropped you two off."  


"Are you telling me our sweet love story is a lie and we didn't fall in love on the same day?" Stiles asked, involuntarily pouting.

"I never wanted anyone the way I wanted you. There still isn't anyone I want the way I want you." Derek admitted, almost swaying Stiles in his decision. Being close to Derek was not getting them anywhere.  


"I'm sorry, but you have to find someone else." Stiles told him, already blinking tears out of his eyes again after he let go of Derek, leaning back a little to look at him. "Every time I look at you, I see her. We need to go our separate ways, even if it hurts too much to continue sometimes."  


"Stiles-"

"I slept with Lydia."

°

Those four words were his way out in the end. He'd never planned on telling Derek, but in that moment, it was the only thing he could say to push Derek away from him. Stiles knew he would've given in at some point and the only way was to cause Derek to be unable to look at Stiles too.  


Their divorce came through two weeks ago- Derek was allowed to keep the house since Stiles wouldn't return to Beacon Hills anyway, but he had to pay Stiles half the price it would get at this point on the market. It was enough money for him to pay new future interior for his hypothetical future apartment.  


As far as he knew Derek was in a mental institution after his parents had figured out he was hurting himself again. They had actually called Stiles and told him how sorry they were for what had happened. They never asked him to come back, that was all Laura.  


Stiles wished still he could just forget Derek Hale forever, but he guessed he was doomed to feel the aching nothingness in his heart until he took his last breath.

Lydia came back from the kitchen and sat down with a glass of water in her hand. Stiles took another sip from his beer. "I'm pregnant." she said without further ado and Stiles nodded. _Figures_ , he thought, gulping down the rest of it. On his best way to become a bitter alcoholic, still crying over his ex-husband in the stillness of the night and now he would become a father. The irony wasn't lost on him.  


He mustered up an almost honest smile when he looked at her and reached for the next bottle of his six pack. Stiles opened it and tipped it towards Lydia. There was no way she wouldn't keep it.  


"Congratulations." he tried his best to keep the sarcasm out of his tone.

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> So, who wants to punch me now? xD go ahead, tell me, I deserve it *hides*  
> No, please be nice, I'm a simple writer. *throws cookies* peace?


End file.
